Lady Bomb Escorts

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July 21, 2006


Where's Lyzako?

Cops also looking for Marty Sherman

FERNDALE, Michigan, July 21 ... Eight hot prostitutes and rap star Blackosis were arrested last night for suspicion of prostitution. Detectives are looking for the man they believe to be their boss, Art Lyzak, a so-called writer who claims the whores, Lady Bomb Escorts, are merely fictional characters.

Lieutenant Gerald Frenzer told reporters: "I'll tell you who the character is - that fucking clown Lyzak ... he's pimping these girls and making a fortune doing it. Fiction, my ass ... that's not writing, that's goddamn internet stupidity - that's all it is. He's a hooker salesman, plain and simple. That man is guilty as the day I was born ... or whatever that saying is."

Frenzer believes Lyzak is hiding out with friends - though he finds it hard to believe he has any.

"Nah. He's a millionaire goofball - in the right place, right time ... ," the Lieutenant explained. "Wrote a two-bit column for an entertainment rag then used his juice to lure lithe young things to a life of putting penis in their mouths and vaginas."

Police would also like to speak with legendary Hollywood comedian, Marty Sherman, in connection with the disappearance of his wife Jackie. After moving to Detroit to blog, Sherman won the hearts and belly laughs of the blogosphere with his spot-on blogwork.

"That guy's not wrapped too tight either," Frenzer said. "He's an alcoholic, like the other guy and he recently blogged that he murdered his wife and ate her ... funny stuff, right? He's looney tunes and may have really killed her ... we want to talk with him."

Neither man can be found.

The girls are still in police custody; Blackosis was released this morning.

A.) Crack?
B.) Check.
A.) Bics?
C.) Yepper.
A.) Labatt?
B.) Uh huh.
A.) Chips and dip?
C.) Of course.
A.) Condo ... wait a minute - did a dumb ass write something?
B.) What? I'll look ... yes. Dammit.
A.) What's it about?
B.) A big bust.
C.) I'm an ass man, myself ...
A.) Ha, ha, ha - good enough, we're done.


I am so sad. Not having Lady Bomb Escorts as part of my daily diet might just make me wither up and die.

I kid you not.

Who do I have to give crack to to get Lady Bomb back in the blogosphere?

I'll pay money! I'll supply drugs and booze! Who do I call?

Fuck, I guess I'll just have to go back to my Franz Ferdinand CD, and the local pussy talent...
Hey! Where's the party to celebrate the "Re-launch?" If there's one thing I learned in Silicon Valley: have a big party, with free booze and pretty chicks, and no one will even know you were gone!!

You should rent out The Bosco, and invite all us media trash...
It won't be at the Bosco but you'll be there, Junior.

If the pigs contact you, you don't know a fucking thing, dig? Thanks.

MS sends regards.
I'm hanging over at the Monkey Bar, poking fun at these rejects from MTV Beach House, if you need any legal assistance.
Jesus, Uncle Arty, blogspot?

Hey, when're the Mutants albums gonna get reissued? My da's bootleg copies of your old tapes are all worn and warped.
you suck and u ain't funny

I am Jonesing bad for the Lady Bombs...
Where's the fun?

Where's the party?

Where's the Lady Bomb Escorts?
No shit u still alive Lyzako????
Maybe one of the hookers killed him...
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Still there, Art? Get ahold of me—my dad wants to tell you something or other.
It should be legalised and regulated with designated facilities to conduct business with a nurse and/or counsellor on site and have access to resources for those that need drug or alcohol treatment or want to get off the streets.
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