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July 11, 2006

 
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PARIS + NICOLE
STILL ON THE OUTS!
Sure wish they'd get it together ...


HOLLYWOOD, July 11 … Uh oh – look out - Paris Hilton is gnarly pissed off. Fuckingly gnarly pissed off. She says TV success has turned her Simple Life co-star Nicole Richie her into a snob and a bitch and she doesn’t like it one teensy bit.

"Fame affects people in different ways,” Paris says icily, “I've always remained the same girl, and she's just not the same person any more.”

The 25-year-old hot chick named after the capital of France stamps her foot. Believe it or not - she like, wants to be friends again - NOW - but Nicole is being weird and it’s freaking her out.

"I think she just let fame get to her head - she's only nice to famous people,” the slutty hot chick says. “I don't know what happened to her, she's just not the same sweet girl I used to know.”

A writer remembers the time he gave it good to both Paris AND Nicole in a nightclub VIP lounge during their Simple Life promo swing through Detroit in July of 2004. Has it been that long? Damn, it feels like it was just two years ago ... Jesus, that was some night; be still, my penis.

The writer gets back on track.

Does the heiress with the same last name as a major worldwide hotel chain wish Nicole would come back? Is it breaking her heart?

"I wish that she'd come back. It breaks my heart," Hilton says while filling a crackpipe.

She lights up, puffs, and holds the pipe aloft. The writer declines and lifts the snifter of Chinaco to his lips instead. He orders the waiter to bring another then wonders aloud if Paris and Nicole will ever kiss and make up.

Pretty please? With a bright Rudolph-red cherry on top?

The chart-topping, pay-for-play skirt looks heavenward. “Nicole needs to say she’s sorry for being mean. I hope we will be friends one day."

Yes ... if there is a God in Heaven – please make it happen …

Who said it’s a simple life?


A.) It's sad when friends bust up.
B.) Yes. They probably drank champagne together.
C.) Makes me appreciate you letters more.
A.) You know, staying friendly with all 26 letters is a beautiful thing.
B.) It sure is, it sure is ...
C.) I ... I ... why, I'm starting to cry ... it's so fucking beautiful ...
A.) For Christ's sake, C - get a grip.
B.) That's right. You're a pop culture blogworker - toughen up, fucker.
C.) Sorry, it must be my period. Get it? .
A.) Ha, a period.......that's funny, ha.
B.) Yeah, and gay.
C.) I need a Kleenex.




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CoMMents:
I'm hard reading this stuff, mutherfucker. We have to keep doing this. You're right, once Del's hooked up we'll be unstoppable.

I feel great about this.
 
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