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July 20, 2006


Writer Excited
About Upcoming Break

'I can't fucking wait,' Lyzako admits

MIAMI BEACH, July 21 ... After five months of almost daily blogging, blogging, blogging, and entertaining the blogosphere with hundreds of billions of laughs and smiles, Art Lyzak AKA Lyzako, will take a much-needed vacation from his wildly popular Lady Bomb Escorts blog. The mess will return in September.

"I'm married now - and pimping hookers, looking out for cops, and writing about it is getting to be a drag," the handsome 55-year-old writer admitted. "My wife, Christine, wants me totally out of the whore business - maybe she's right, I don't know ... "

Lady Bomb Escorts began in 1999 as a fictional shtick for Realisms, a column Lyzak wrote for Real Detroit Weekly until March of this year. Lady Bomb soon became an actual prostitution racket.

"When I introduced the LBE device to Realisms in 1999, a couple of hot chick readers emailed and asked if I needed escorts ... I played along, we had a few drinks, I took them to a cheap hotel, banged them hard - I was single then - and started whoring them out. Go figure."

Selling sex proved to be incredibly lucrative for the talented, lucky Polack. With houses in Malibu, Miami, and Ferndale, Lyzak says he has more money than he knows what to do with.

"I have more money than I know what to do with."

He left Real Detroit Weekly earlier this year because they wouldn't cough up a well-deserved, couple buck raise. "I was going to goof on them with a boatload of snark right here - I had some funny fucking lines, trust me - but decided to take the high road instead: I wish the paper terrific success."

The writer immediately started Lady Bomb Escorts dotcom with the help of Internet whiz Meg Geddes, and the musings of legendary Hollywood comedian, Marty Sherman.

Will Sherman be along for the ride when the laughs resume in September?

"I'm not sure," Lyzak shrugs. "He just did a hard-hitting seven chapter non-fiction piece for us (Murder Without Mystery - scroll down) - and admitted to murdering his wife. We're going to have to wait and see if the Detroit cops believe it or not. Sherman might do time, I don't know. She was a nice woman, his wife, Jackie."

While the writer claims the time off is long overdue, he won't be resting on his laurels - he doesn't know what the word means. But he does promise a bigger and better Bomb in mid-September.

"Well, we're getting 75 million hits a day now and I plan on doubling that at the new place. Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to turn off the computer for two weeks, cool out, and then turn the Godforsaken, monkeyonourbacks, thing-from-Hell back on and spend a month creating a much stronger product. In fact - a much fucking stronger product."

A.) Speaking of money, tell Lyzako I can use a bit more.
B.) Yeah, we have to write for Sherman, too. We should get more.
C.) Or Sherman should at least toss a few rocks our way like Lyzako does.
A.) Damn right. We're the funniest part of the blog.
B.) Fuck, yes - we are.
C.) We should stay in touch during this break, my letters.


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