#A Chat With SatanFeaturing Wacky Dictator Kim Jong-ilSatan
: I have to confess I’m a big fan of yours.Kim Jong-il
: Sank you. You my idol, too. I hope to someday be big man down in Hell. I work very hard. Make my country rule the world soon. You will see.S
: I’m rooting for you. A lot of people are dying to know if you play poker, because it seems like you’re playing a mean game of Texas Hold’em
with the rest of the region right now, not to mention the United States.
K: Ah, poker...I watch on Satellite television. I know what you mean, but this is not poker I play. It is chess. Your move Mr. Bush
. Ha ha ha.S
: I must say your English is very good.K
: Oh, I learn from best teachers at University of Malta
. They teach me well.S
: So you play poker and chess?K
: Yes, but my favorite game is Guess Weight of Criminals
. I take lawbreakers in my country and guess how heavy they are. If I am right, they are shot. Wrong, get torture, but allowed to live. I love that game.S
K: Yes, break fingers, burn face, chop off toes, cut tongue...rape. Man or woman, rape is always big fun. A win-win situation for me. I enjoy that game very much. Also, wrestle with arms. No one ever beats me. I am champion of the arm wrestle. How about you Mr. Bush? Wrestle arms with me? Ha ha ha. Maybe you try, Satan. I bet I beat you, too.S
: Some other time perhaps. I’ve read that you’re bi-polar. Is that true?
K: Not bi-polar! I have sinus trouble.S
: Okay...What did you think of how you were portrayed in that Team America
K: Oh, puppet movie! Very funny South Park
guys. I have complete South Park on DVD. Watch all the time. I like it very much. Also big fan of Bernie Mac
, Michael Jordan
. She so hot I want her for personal performance. Request many times but always she says no. Planning a kidnap next time she comes to Japan.S
: You mentioned Michael Jordan. I also read that you like to watch NBA basketball. True?
K: Yes. I like basketball very much. Root for Houston and Yao Ming
: What do you think of Ben Wallace
signing with the Bulls
K: Detroit make big mistake with free agent. They also lose Darko
and get nothing. If I know Joe Dumars
, he has something up sleeve. But Big Ben in Chicago spell big trouble for rest of division. Look for Bulls to make noise in playoffs next year. Mark my words.S
: Think they’ll go all the way?
K: No, but pre-season favorite to make Eastern Conference Finals. My people say Pistons
try to work three-way deal with Atlanta and Houston to get Yao Ming. If deal go through, they will be champions again. If not, middle of pack in Central Division.S
: Well, you certainly sound like you know your basketball.
K: Sank you.S
: For the record, can you clear up what your official title is?
K: Not President! No elections! In my country I am called Great Leader
or Dear General
. I am Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army
and General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea
. Some also call me Dear Father
and am also known as The Sun of the 21st Century
. I make last one up myself. But whole world will soon know me as Lord of Darkness
: Wait, Lord of...?
K: Whole world except for you, Satan. Sorry.S
: No problem...
K: Say, why don’t we wrestle arms for it? I win, I am Lord of Darkness
. I lose, you take name and I call myself Sweet Dark Lord of Planet Earth Above Ground.
: I don’t think so. But it’s been fun talking to you and we’re keeping a prime spot here in Hell for you when you’re done with your work there on Earth. Good Luck.
K: Sank you, Satan. I look forward to it. (MARTY SHERMAN)
A.) He’s a fan of the Rockets, get it? In the NBA? The HOUSTON Rockets?
B.) I got it. I’m more interested in the torture and rape and stuff.
C.) You are one dark letter, B.#