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July 18, 2006


Carmen Electra + Dave Navarro = Splitsville
‘Til death do us part? Yeah, right

Love? It’s for suckers, man. Proof? A writer is too busy to elaborate but look at the tears on the keyboard. They are the tears of a clown ... a dancing monkey.

Stick a spork into Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra - that's it, they're done. Cut. The End. Finis. They are separating “amicably” according to Electra's publicist (and peanut butter cup magnate) Brit Reece.

The beautiful couple is severing ties and moving on to bigger and better penis and vagina.

Electra is the former Baywatch star who has made a career out of being hot and that’s about it. She can’t act; she can't talk. Though we did see her walk and chew gum at the same time once.

She looks like the kind of dame you want to throw down on the bed and stick your shlong into as hard and fast as you can.

That’s a talent, a writer guesses.

Her soon-to-be ex-husband, Dave Navarro, has a storied past with Jane’s Addiction, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and heroin, and now hosts the CBS fake rock reality show Rock Star. He’s real good looking, too. In fact, while a writer is heterosexual, after some premium tequila he may pick Dave to be the hotter of the two. Maybe.

They met on a blind date, fell in love and - crazy kids that they were - turned their 2003 wedding into MTV's 'Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen & Dave.

But that was then ...

No one is saying why the pair is kaput, but Navarro is probably having too much fucking fun on his TV show, if you know what a writer means. There's more backstage action going down in one night over there than in all the porno you saw last year.

You know you're going to burn in hell for watching that stuff, right?

Anyway, Lou Rawls said "Love is a hurtin' thing." In this case it’s a celebrity thing – you don’t have to know or understand it, you just have to feel sad, and click on the little envelope at the end of this piece to send it to a friend.

Together, we can make it through this mess, trust me.

A.) Dave wears more make-up than Carmen.
B.) Ha, ha, ha, you got that right, Max Factor.
C.) His lipsticks are sublime, ha, ha, ha.
A.) That douchey Rock Star show is on tonight, isn't it?
B.) Yep, the piece of shit is on at 9pm.
C.) Pure garbage is all it is.
A.) Are you gonna watch it? I am.
B.) Of course, are you crazy?
C.) Shit yeah, I'd rather die than miss it.


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