#BREAKING NEWS... BREAKING NEWS...FIDEL CASTRO DEAD
Groundbreaking Blog to Follow?
After hearing rumors for a week now that Cuban leader Fidel Castro
died, I decided to do a little journalistic investigation of my own.
Attempts to phone the bearded dictator proved fruitless, but when I emailed email@example.com
I received the following automated out-of-office reply:
"As of July 15, 2006, I am no longer alive and any future email should be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org
. Sincerely, F.C."
Well, there you have it. Proof positive that there will be change in the tiny island country that has kept Communism alive in America’s backyard for so long while continuing to make the best cigars in the world. And don’t forget the pressed ham-and-cheese sandwiches and mojitos that have become popular here thanks to the arrival of thousands upon thousands of Cuban refugees.
Mmmm, pressed ham-and-cheese sandwiches...mojitos...lunchtime...my stomach’s rumbling...
Where was I? Oh, right. Dead Castro.
That reminds me...
Our weekly development meeting at the Bomb
didn’t go so well this week for yours truly, my friends. It seems that Marty Sherman
may no longer be welcome to contribute here. I was told that there’s a lot of big changes coming to the blog and the editor is shutting down for a month to gear up for the grand re-opening in September.
It wasn’t said in so many words, but I can read between the lines.
According to the boss, they need more "hip, cutting-edge stories" and more "structure" to the blog. Right, like that’s going to make a difference. I write from my gut, dear readers. My fucking gut. The process is painful to me, but I give it every ounce of energy I have in me and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to pander to a bunch of snot-nosed twenty-somethings just so the famous Lyzako can sell advertising and cheap merchandise.
All I know is I’m gonna enjoy the time off. I’ve already contacted the unemployment office (this is the first real job I’ve had since I was a bus-boy at the Coffee Manor
when I was sixteen) and in two weeks I’ll have a cool $150 a week coming in while I sit on my dead ass and contemplate my navel. And my next move.
It’s going to be big. The next move, that is. You’ll see you bastards.
A.) I hope he moves to Cuba.
B.) Cuba’s not far enough away as far as I’m concerned.
C.) Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Now let’s get the fuck out of here.#