Lady Bomb Escorts

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July 12, 2006

 
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20th Century Bomb: 1906
RISE AND SHINE, AMERICA
Yonder in Battle Creek lives a man named Will Keith Kellogg. And in this town he sells boxes of a new health food he recently invented. They are called Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.

Tis a large thin crisp flake of toasted corn—a supposedly healthy, tasty breakfast food eaten in a bowl awash with milk.

A.) Breakfast? Bah, that’s for women.
B.) Kellogg is insane. They are for vegetarians, the weird cult that doesn’t eat meat.
C.) Corn on its cob with butter and salt is best.




20th Century bomb: 1907


MACHINES FOR
EVERYTHING NOW
What next? Tell-A-Vision?


It is most incredible--nay, almost unbelievable--but Alva J. Fisher of Chicago has taken a galvanized tub and added a motor powered by electricity to create an “electronic washing machine.” Just add water, soap, and clothes to the gizmo and voila! Your garments are clean!

A.) American women aren’t lazy enough—now this.
B.) Letter A is right! Watch; women will want the right to vote next!
C.) Beating clothes on rocks and rinsing them in the river is best.





20th Century Bomb: 1909
LIKE SCREAMING
THROUGH A MEGAPHONE!


Our mayor, the honorable Cass Corridor, has been seen sporting around town in a brand new black Ford Model T Roadster passing a flask back and forth with actress Minnie Woodward.

We sure hope that Mrs. Corridor don't catch wind of the indiscretion. Mugs that saw hizzoner and the floozy at an out-of-the-way dive claim Miss Woodward wore a dress so short her ankles was showing.

A.) I’m an ankle man. I like 'em smooth and shaved.
B.) To he** with Mayor Corridor--I shall vote for Warren Forest.
C.) A flapper and liquor in a new Model T? Mayor Corridor governs his penis well.




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