Pat Sajak Small Potatoes? WRITER GETS LETTER & DRUGS FROM PAUL NEWMAN
Lady Bomb Escorts writer Musty Scribblins is absolutely glowing. He recently received a hand written letter inside a package from his pal, legendary actor Paul Newman:
“Hey Musty, glad to hear you enjoyed my ‘Newman-O’s Crème Filled Chocolate Cookies.’ You’re right — they are way fucking better than Oreos! And they’re 100 percent organic!
You’ll be happy to know we are teaming with pharmaceutical giant SmithGlaxoKline to produce a new line of recreational drugs. While they won’t be available to the public for a year or so (you know how it is — palms to be greased first, ha, ha, ha), I know you’re going to like these, you prick.
You’ve probably taken 10 of them already, but that’s a 90-count bottle of Newman’s Own “Funax: TriLayered Time Release Fun Pill.”
Each 1000-milligram Funax tablet contains Vicodin and Xanax with a healthy dose of ExLax so you can take them everyday — no pain, no anxiety...and best of all - no constipation.
They’re fucking great!
Since we’re still in the nip-and-tuck phase, don’t report any of this letter on Lady Bomb or American Bomb or whatever you're calling that fucking online thing you call humor.
Your friend, Paul Newman.
P.S. Give my best to Lyzako.”...(LYZAKO)
A) You dudes get the coolest promotional shit. B) Funax bootlegs are now available in the city’s trendier clubs. C) Crack is King. Gimme 10 bucks till next week, you cheap bastard.