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June 16, 2006


No Boys In Beyonce’s Band
All Girl Line-up Fodder For Future Celebrity Lesbianisms?

A flurry of auditions were held this week to fill spots in the band for Beyonce’s upcoming world tour, scheduled to kick off this summer with the release of her second solo album B’Day.

The catch? All the instruments, from drums and keyboards to guitars and horns, will be played by women. Real women.

Beautiful women with real, working vaginas, ample breasts and soft, full lips.

Local auditions were held in several major cities including the diva’s hometown of Houston, and finalists will move on to New York where they will be hand-picked by Beyonce herself. Aside from having their ‘chops’, musicians will have to demonstrate compatibility with the sexy songstress and individual ‘closed door meetings’ with Beyonce will be scheduled once the line-up is finalized.

Beyonce’s first solo effort, Dangerously In Love, earned her five Grammys, and her Live At Wembley DVD, which was recorded during that tour, continues to sell briskly. The former lead singer of Destiny’s Child hopes her sophomore outing will mirror that success.

Deja Vu, the first single from the upcoming album, features main squeeze Jay Z and dropped on Tuesday this week to good reviews.

Incidentally, B’Day is scheduled for international release on the bronze goddess’ own birthday, September 4. ... (MARTY SHERMAN)

A.) Not too many chicks can play drums. I can only think of Sheila E.
B.) How about lead guitar. Name one good girl guitarist.
C.) Hmmm. You’re right, but who cares? As long as Beyonce dances, I’m in.


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