Time to fix the National Pastime, America — let’s grow it up a bit.
Legalize steroids for professional ball players again. You have to admit it makes the game a lot more fun. Who doesn’t love watching monstrous home runs hit in bunches by humongously over-muscled athletes?
Is it gay to enjoy that? We think not.
Giant players and big homers make the sport feel more real — like a video game.
What’s the big deal? Other entertainers use drugs while performing, why not ball players? What - they’re better than musicians and dancers?
In fact, it is our belief that players should be encouraged to drink like fish during games and sit in the stands to shoot the shit with drunken fans whenever they’re not playing on the field.
Let’s make baseball exciting to watch again. ... (LYZAKO)
A.) You’re right ... you're always right, fucker.
B.) You’re right; it would be Heaven on Earth.
C.) You’re right as usual, genius – do you have the hunnert you owe me?