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May 08, 2006


This’ll Probably Piss God Off, But...
Satan Launches Chain of Tattoo Parlors
Partnership With Soft Drink Maker Might Be Next Big Thing On Wall Street

In an unprecedented business move late last week, The Devil announced that he has struck an alliance with PepsiCo, the parent company for Pepsi, Frito Lay and Tropicana, to distribute their products exclusively at his new nationwide chain of tattoo parlors.

Pepsi Cola Chairman and CEO Steven S. Reinemund, who reportedly sold his soul in exchange for the deal, said the company hopes the partnership will maintain effective product placement within the "twenty-something demographic for years to come."

Despite tough economic times, tattoo artists around the world are enjoying brisk business, thanks in part to rappers and athletes sporting very visible skin ink, and Satan thinks the tattoo chain idea is one who’s time has come.

"I am pleased to be able to be of service to mankind in whatever way possible," The Devil was quoted.

Analysts say the deal is a coup for Pepsi, who lost a lot of distribution when education officials recently bowed to public pressure and decided to remove vending machines from public schools around the country.

Underground Ink was chosen from a list of possible names including Eternal Damnation Tattoo, Hell’s Painful Skin Art and Forever Tattooed because it "got the idea across without hitting people over the head."

The flagship business is located in Van Nuys, California and is offering a Grand Opening Special that includes a free "666" in the font of your choice with the purchase of any tattoo over $100....(MARTY SHERMAN)

A.) Too bad they can’t serve alcohol. I’d get a tat if I could get a little numb first.
B.) How about a Bloody Mary Magdalene?
C.) Now that’s just blasphemous.


is that the parlor where bard pitt had his balls tatooed with angeluna's name?
Marty Sherman tells me that for a price Angelina will personally ink your balls and give you a happy ending, lover boy.

Your pal,

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