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May 24, 2006

 
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TAYLOR HICKS WINS AMERICAN IDOL!
Soul Patrol 53.7% Kat Pack 46.3%

In what turned out to be no surprise, Alabama’s Taylor Hicks has been voted your American Idol.

In what turned out to be the largest watched TV show of all time, after being announced as the winner, Hicks fell to his knees and borrowing from another rock great, Little Richard, testified "A wop bop a loo bop a lop bam boom."

In what turned out to make the silver-haired singer look like Tutti Fruitti himself - an excited Hicks impulsively gave host Ryan Seacrest a long lingering kiss, somewhat reminiscent of the touching scene between parting lovers at Casablanca’s end.

In what turned out to be a fitting finale to this successful season, a rich-beyond-his-wildest-fucking-dreams-because-of-American Idol Simon Cowell took fellow judge Paula Abdul into his arms onstage and grabbed her ass proper.


A.) Wow, what a season!
B.) The best ever!
C.) Taylor Hicks is the new Joe Cocker!
A.) Seriously though - Hicks takes it tonight, right?
B.) Oh sure, it's a lock.
C.) Not the best singer, though.
A.) Nope. He's no Ruben Studderd...Studdard?
B.) The big fat guy?
A.) Yeah, him.
C.) Ha, ha, ha.
A.) Taylor Hicks should sound teriffic in the recording studio.
B.) Oh sure, they have computers to guarantee that.
C.) I remember when you had to have talent to cut great tracks.
A.) Really, Grampa? Ha, ha, ha.
B.) Ha, ha, ha.
C.) Ha, ha, ha.




LBE

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