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May 18, 2006


'Idol' Producer Axed - Photoshop Guy Next?

An American Idol producer has been fired for a Taylor Hicks dye job gone awry. The producer, Phillip Rampstein, was specifically told by executives to prepare Hicks for next week’s big finale - a Punk Rock themed show - by having the singer's silver hair dyed pink.

Rampstein – deaf in one ear since fighting in the Gulf War (shrapnel from bomb) - thought his boss said blue.

“Pink…blue…green…day-glo fuck…what’s the difference? It’s not the DaVinci Code - it’s punk rock, for Christ’s sake,” Rampstein said, leaving the studio after a tearful goodbye with good friend and Idol judge, Randy Jackson.

“He is my dog and a member of the dog pound. I will miss Phillip very, very much…Stacy, get me a can of Coke,” Jackson barked at his assistant, Stacy.

Now that the AI contest is down to Hicks and the stuck-up California chick that can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, Idol producers scrambled for an idea to heighten the drama for the 750 billion people who watch the show weekly. They believe they can double that audience to a trill-and-a-half next week with the power of punk and special guest Johnny Rotten, the swearing, spitting lead singer of notorious mid-70s punkateers, The Sex Pistols.

This week, Rotten will meet with Hicks and what’s-her-name to discuss the upcoming show.

“Oyed loyk Tayluh to sing Anarchy in the UK and oyed loyk to stick me thingy into that West Coasty chickie poony,” sneered Rotten after promising a “rollickingly good fooking toym, mate.”

Taylor Hicks is reportedly at an undisclosed Hollywood hair salon for a change of color.

A.) I can’t wait – I’ll spit at the TV.
B.) I will dress like Sid Vicious to watch the show.
C.) I hope someone sings Throbbing Gristle by the Pork Dukes.
A.) A punk show, ha, ha, ha. That will be fun.
B.) Yeah, with a pink-haired Taylor.
C.) That sounds like a gay drink…
A.) “Yes, I’d like a Pink-Haired Taylor – stirred, not shaken, big boy.”
B.) Ha, ha, ha.
C.) But seriously, I wonder what the chick will sing?
A.) Sing? Who cares? What's she going to wear, dumb ass?
B.) Whoa – a skin tight black latex sex outfit. And then strip naked.
C.) No, black fishnet stockings…torn and frayed untils she's naked.
A.) On top of red patent leather fuck-me pumps with 12 inch heels.
B.) No, 20 inch heels.
C.) Should be a terrific show.


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