#O. J. To Ashton Kutcher:
"Punk THIS, Bitch!"
No ‘Juice’ for ‘Juice’ To Star In ‘Juiced’
For all of you out there who have been dying to see more of O. J. Simpson
, you won’t have to wait much longer. The former All-Pro
running back will be appearing on his own hidden camera television show called Juiced
, which is due out later this month.
Available both on Pay-Per-View and as a special, limited-edition DVD with uncensored out-takes, the hour-long program will feature everybody’s favorite homicidal maniac playing wacky pranks on unsuspecting white folks while yucking it up and mugging for the camera.
A list of scheduled jokes include O. J. pretending to sell the white Ford Bronco
in which he ran from police after killing his wife Nicole
way back in 1994, trying on several pairs of too-small gloves in a department store and shopping for knives at an L.A.-area Gun and Knife Expo.
Simpson, who was acquitted of the murder charge, still owes his deceased wife’s family a ton of dough from the $33 million civil judgment against him relating to the case. A portion of any income Simpson brings in is owed to Nicole’s family by law, so O. J. is appearing in Juiced gratis.
Since he isn’t being paid, one has to wonder why he would bother.
Rick Mahr, the show’s producer, thinks he has the answer: "Basically O.J. Simpson has decided to do this because he wants to do it, and he wanted to have fun with it."
A.) You gotta hand it to the guy. He’s got a sense of humor.
B.) Yeah, I killed my first wife and I still can’t get over it.
C.) How much to kill my wife? Anybody?#Speaking Of A Sense Of Humor...
1997 O. J. Joke Censored On Late NightMarty Sherman Too Controversial For Leno
For the first time ever, the joke that never made it on the air...
So Mother Teresa
and Nicole Simpson
are talking in heaven, right?
"You know dear," said Mother Teresa, "I was a servant of God all my life and I did many wonderful things. But there are some things that I’m curious about and maybe you could help me."
"Sure, what is it?" said Nicole.
"Well, you know, being married to God
and all, I never really experienced the pleasures of being with a man, if you know what I mean," Mother Teresa went on, blushing. "So I just wondered if it’s true what they say about black men?"
"Oh, yes," said Nicole. "They’re jealous as a mutherfucker!"
A.) How jealous are they, Nicole?
B.) As a mutherfucker, Mother! Ha!