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May 08, 2006


Keith Richards Skull Drilled, Drained
Bo Bice Blows Away Barcelona in Stones Debut

After keeping a tight lid on the true nature of Keith Richards’ injury after falling from a tree whilst chasing coconuts, it appears his condition was more serious than previously reported.

Australian and New Zealand media say the 62-year-old rock god was “near death,” and had brain surgery to drain a blood clot yesterday.

Richards has been discharged from hospital – or from the hospital as we say in the States. The 62-year-old rock legend is on the mend in a secret location.

In Barcelona last Saturday night, American Idol rocker Bo Bice stood in for Richards and from all accounts did an admirable job filling in for the fallen Stone whilst singing Happy and Before They Make Me Run - in Spanish, no less - to 177, 678 ecstatic fans.

They knew nothing whatsoever about the drama surrounding the laid-up rock guitarist.

Twas Bo rocking out - but they called him Keith.

“Keith, Keith!” they screamed all night at the dude.

“Audiencio, audiencio – mucho gratias!” Bo, fist thrust in the air, joyously yelled back at the adoring throngs before an emotional solo reading of Chick, I’m the Dude for You from his hit album, Bice-A-Roni. The song was a surprise addition after the Stones encored with Satisfaction, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, and all four sides of Exile on Main Street.

A good time was had by all. The Stones walked out of the stadium with a cool $13 million for their 75 minute set.

Bice, filling in for Keith Richards for 26 more concerts, received a check for $1,525 which included a $25 per diem for weed....(MUSTY SCRIBBLINS with additional reporting by LYZAKO)

A.) Oddly enough, coconut is one of my favorites.
B.) Hey, me too. But I wouldn’t climb a tree for it.
C.) If I was goofing around with Ron Wood, I might.
A.) Sure. Just to prove that I’m not too old at 62.
B.) You’re 62? You look good.
A.) Not me, stupid…Keith Richards is 62.
C.) You’d think Keith and Ron would have assistants to do that stuff.
A.) Ha, I bet they will now, ha.
B.) Hey, how about that Bo Bice rocking with the Stones?
A.) What the hell, the Bice kid is talented enough.
C.) He sang Chick, I’m the Dude For You acapella.
B.) Whoa, really? Did the crowd dig it?
C.) They stood in silence…stunned.
A.) Like stunned good or stunned bad.
C.) Um, I don’t know.
B.) Let’s get a cup of fucking coffee.
A.) Great fucking idea.
C.) Fuck yeah it is.


Keith's coconut
Thanks for the tip, Anonymous.

I'm gonna buy that coconut if it costs me a million dollars.

It's worth it.

Your pal,

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