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May 04, 2006


Jose: Man with @ Plan
New Weapons to Get Chicks Drunk

Jose Cuervo doesn’t sit around doing shots all day like you do, dreaming up get-rich-quick schemes – he is a thinking man…a man of bold visions and ideas.

It’s why he wants you to try his three new Cuervo Flavored Tequilas: Citrico (lime), Oranjo (orange) and Tropina (tropical fruit flava).

"Tequila is no longer limited to shots and margaritas,” said Carlos Arana, Jose’s right-hand man.

Cuervo Flavored Tequilas are the perfect solution for those looking to add a new twist to their favorite drink."

We hopped over to Jose's website to see if there’s any Agave in this less-than-$20-a-fifth hooch; it doesn’t look like it. But it's designed to taste good and fuck you up - Lord have mercy, you betcha.

It was only a matter of time before tequila hit that flavored road staggering behind thousands of hopped-up, sugary schnapps and vodkas.

The Cuervo pop tequila rollout will include print ads and special events with Jose's Sluttaritas, easy-to-bang, easy-to-look at chicks after you’ve both sucked down a fifth of flavored tequila.

Then again, maybe not - we've been wrong before.

You know what they say, “Make her drink Citrico, you will get fellatio.”

Jose's next move?

Premium tequila with Methamphetamine - due in Spring 2007. (MUSTY SCRIBBLINS)

A.) Tequila? To kill ya. It makes me hallucinate.
B.) Chicks love flavored liquor, praise Jesus.
A.) Where the hell is C?
B.) Hell if I know. Oh, wait - here he comes.
C.) Hey, my letters, what is up?
A.) You gotta be shittin me. You've lost it, my letta.
B.) Let's all go have a talk with the boss.


I posted you to Metafilter.

Thanks, man. The girls will be here at 11PM sharp.

I've got half-gallons of all three Cuervo flavors and a dozen roofies.

We're in like Flynn!

What? Oh, Joe Flynn - the guy that played Captain Binghamton on McHale's Navy.

Your pal,

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