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May 17, 2006



LOS ANGELES, Ca., May 17.....Easy Rider, True Romance, Blue Velvet…hey man, let me count the ways this man has blown our minds on the big screen.

Lyzako, Tokugawa Marinski, Marty Sherman, and I are standing around a table with a handful of hot LadyBombs lighting candles on a cake for Dennis Hopper’s birthday.

The fucker turns 70 today.

If Hopper - a great actor, dope addict, and alcoholic – can make it to 70 as the reckless crazy person he’s been for so many years, then there’s hope for all of us, brothers and sisters.

When asked how he would spend this momentous night, Hopper, now clean and sober, answered, “The wife and I will have a nice early dinner – maybe steamed fish for me, I don’t know yet – and then like the rest of America come home and watch American Idol. I love that fat kid, Ruben Stubber. I hope he wins.”

Reminded that Ruben Studdard was an Idol of two years past, the actor replied, “I told you - probably the steamed fish – I’m not sure yet.”

And so we blow out the candles and raise our glasses to Dennis Hopper and make the toast he made in Blue Velvet:

“Here’s to fuck!”


Happy Birthday, fucker. ... (MUSTY SCRIBBLINS)

A.) Good for him. Seems like a class act. Fascinating actor.
B.) Can’t take your eyes off the screen when he’s on it.
C.) He made a lot of crap, too.
A.) Remember him as Feck in River’s Edge?
B.) Hopper plays psychos the best.
C.) There are many better actors.
A.) What is your deal, C? You’re such a downer lately.
B.) It’s true…is there a bug up your ass?
C.) Hey, writing about popular culture drives me crazy.
A.) Join the club.
B.) It’s a decent living though.
C.) Money, shmoney…it’s driving me crazy.
A.) Well, it’s payday and you know what that means.
B.) Yeah, you need the 5 letter word that starts with a ‘c’ and ends with a ‘k.’
C.) What?! I’m not gay - I’ll beat your ass, asshole!
B.) I said five letters, Hemingway.
A.) Think about it, stupid.
C.) Wha…? Oh…ha, ha, ha, you letters sure know how to cheer up a letter.
A.) Hey, what are friends for?
B.) Sure, pally…pissing and moaning is good for you.
C.) And smoking crack, too!
A.) Of course, ha, ha, ha,
B.) Ha, ha, ha.
C.) Ha, ha, ha.


Personally, I could eat his heart.
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