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April 04, 2006

Proof once more: No God!
Sharon Stone Making a Record?

That resounding flop you heard last week was the sound of Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct 2 hitting movie screens.

The horror cost $70 million to make and took in just over $3 million in its first weekend.

Loud flop.

Stone’s take for overacting and getting naked was reportedly $14 million up front and some action on the back-end.

There will be no obvious joke here.

Not content with a movie that’s already on DVD at dollar stores, sources claim the actress has been writing songs with collaborators for the past year and secretly laying down tracks in a New York recording studio.

The first single, (I’m Gonna) Lick Your Balls on the Dance Floor, was written with Paris Hilton.

No word on a release date yet.

A.) Sly’s daughter has done well for herself.
B.) I saw the flick last weekend; her pooch looks snappy.
C.) Thomas Edison is rolling in his grave.


PRINCE: The Original American Idol!

Even though he claims he's never watched the show, Prince will appear on American Idol to help spike sales of his new long player, 3121, named after a recent winning four digit lottery number.

The just released album opened at #1 to strong sales and the Purple One’s record label wants to keep it going.

And 35 million people like to watch that show.

A few weeks back Barry Manilow did a guest stint on Idol which helped propel sales of his latest record, (I’m Gonna) Lick Your Balls on the Dance Floor.

No, wait—that’s not right.

The name of Barry’s album escapes us at the moment, sorry.

This is a Prince piece anyway, no harm done.

A.) Prince Spaghetti—now that’s pasta.
B.) Prince is the new ‘King of Pop.’ Looking for writers?
C.) That’s the best you can do?
A.) The whole Prince thing is so played out, man.
B.) It really is, letter C. That’s all I have.
C.) This is big celebrity news. What’s wrong with you two?
A.) Letta, please…it’s so over.
B.) Yeah, what did you have, big shot?
C.) Um…let’s party like it’s 1999?
A.) Gee, that’s great.
B.) You’re a regular Henny Youngman.
C.) You know, you're right--this is a tough one.
A.) He’s played out, man.
B.) Hey, we’ll get ‘em next time, don’t you worry.
C.) All right. Wanna go have a 'Grande Crackaccino?'
A.) Now you're talking. I've got twenty bucks.
B.) I've got my good pipe.
C.) Then it's settled, let's go crazy.


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