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April 05, 2006

 

The Marty Sherman Report:
Hollywood Power Couple Adopts More Poor
Bleeding Hearts Bake New Plan to Save the World and Provide Health Care for All

At a press conference to announce the couple’s upcoming press conferences, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt confirmed that they now have a new adoption strategy in place.

In light of recent economic reports that compared the plight of America’s poor to similar conditions in third world countries, the globetrotting celebrities have decided to concentrate their adoption efforts here at home by taking in poor American children.

Although not finalized, the Jolie-Pitt’s most recent family expansion is expected to include the three children of 19 year-old Sharondae Jones, a drug-addicted single mother from southwest Detroit who is willingly giving up her children so they can have a better life.

Four-year-old twin brothers Flotsam and Jetsam will take on the Pitt family name, while their little sister, who is three, will go by DeBris Jolie. According to Pitt the names "just sounded better that way."

The kids were recently made members of S.A.G. and are already cast as extras in an upcoming film from the couple’s production company.

Angelina’s and Brad’s other adopted children, four-year-old Maddox Chivan Jolie-Pitt, a Cambodian, and his one-year-old Ethiopian sister Zahara Marley Jolie-Pitt are said to be thrilled to have "some black kids to play with". However, since neither has shown signs of acting ability the adoptive parents' plan for them is to "use them around the house" to "cook, clean and do the grounds keeping" instead of nurturing film careers.


A.) Did you see Angelina in Lara Croft, Tomb Raider? She's hot!
B.) Did you see Brad in Fight Club? He's hot, too! Well, he is.
C.) There goes the neighborhood.





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CoMMents:
How do I get adopted by Angelina and Brad? And what are Angelina's thoughts on incest?
 
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