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April 03, 2006


marty sherman:
Singer Survives Near Death Experience During Popcorn Factory Photo-Op

During a break from shooting her newest project Dreamgirls, a film version of the 1981 Tony Award-winning stage play, the sexy songstress Beyonce, wearing only a bikini and high heels, slipped and fell into a vat of warm butter at an Orville Redenbacher Popcorn facility located just outside Los Angeles.

Beyonce, submerged for nearly a minute in the 106 degree liquid, was snatched from the clutches of death after a group of eager volunteers who came to her aid used the rock-paper-scissors method to determine who would administer cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

"It was like a dream", said Emanuel Diaz of East L.A., who was the lucky winner and had to be pulled from the coughing and sputtering singer once she was revived. "I’m the luckiest man alive."

Beyonce, who’s current single Check On It dropped to second place in last week’s Top Forty Countdown, was in the middle of a mini publicity tour for both the film and her new solo recording project. Orville Redenbacher is her favorite brand of microwave popcorn. Ironically, the sexy vixen prefers "the extra butter kind".

Doctors, acknowledging that the 24 year-old superstar was "very lucky", were amazed at her resilience. After a precautionary trip to the hospital, Ms. Knowles was back to work, refusing to miss even a day of the film’s shooting schedule.

Dreamgirls, which is scheduled for release later this year also stars Jamie Foxx, Danny Glover and Eddie Murphy.

A.) Buttered...that’s just the way I like my bitches.
B.) Oh, MAN! Can this be for real?
C.) Let me have my way with Beyonce for a month and you could throw me to the sharks.



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