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April 03, 2006

 
Ex-Van Halen singer doesn’t suck
Still Sells Smiles for a Living

Call me crazy, but during a recent trip to New York City I spent a few hours listening to David Lee Roth’s morning radio show; I liked it.

If you’re a fan of the man they call Diamond Dave, you’d dig it, too.

In the pair of segments I heard, Dave took calls and pitched ideas on how to jump start Manhattan’s WTC area. Next day, he had his sister on and they talked about black TV shows of the 70s.

Very entertaining, I thought.

Don't get me wrong, I like big tits humor and fart jokes as much as the next dolt--it's why I hired Marty Sherman—but in this life there are millions of ways to waste time in the morning.

And the extra $13 a month means more to buy at the Dollar Castle.

Diamond Dave is a lovable lout and no dummy. He knows a little bit about many things and lays it out on the air neat and clean. Roth’s ratings have been pretty abysmal since he took over for Howard Stern in January and his days as a jock may be numbered, but at least you don’t have a clown named Rover on morning radio like we do in Detroit.

Instead of Diamond Dave, the Motor City gets Rover.

The guy’s about as funny as Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora falling at home and breaking his arm…wait a minute—that’s fucking funny.

Well, I think you know what I’m trying to say.


A.) Yes, you’re gay.
B.) If Roth gets fired, will Sammy Hagar take over?
C.) I don't listen to radio at all, I'm deaf.



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Stern Wants the Whole World to Listen
rich washed up funnyman loves to whine, whine, whine…

Schlock jock Howard Stern is pissed off that more fans aren’t shelling out $13 a month to catch his act on Sirius Satellite radio. Unhappy with 4 million listeners, he thinks 20 million would be more like it.

"It's insulting to me that everyone hasn't come with me. I take it personally," he tells Entertainment Weekly magazine.

"I want to say to my audience, `You haven't come with me yet? How dare you? We're up to wild, crazy stuff--the show has never sounded better, you cheap bastard!'"

Sirius pays Stern $100 million a year to produce the show.


A.) I’ll save the monthly fee and crap my pants instead, it’s funnier.
B.) Howard Stern is so ’05.
C.) Who needs Howard Stern? In Detroit we have Rover.
B.) Whew, Rover sounds like ass, too.
A.) I’m telling you...crapping your pants in the morning is funnier.
B.) You’re insane.
C.) Letter B is right. Why, that’s not funny—it’s sick!
A.) Don’t knock it till you try it.
B.) Well, that’s true. But, I…
A.) It's cheap and funny entertainment.
C.) At least it’s not $13 a month. You wash the pants afterwards, right?
A.) Of course. What a stupid question.
B.) Yes, don’t be stupid, letter C.
C.) All right, all right—I’ll try it. Tomorrow morning.
B.) Well, I guess I will, too.
A.) Drink two cups of coffee first, trust me.



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