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April 10, 2006

Elvis Fan Club Works to Save Dead Tree
Birmingham, Alabama Landmark Scheduled for Removal

Local officials cite public safety concerns to bolster support for removal of a stand of dead ash trees on some property that was recently seized during a drug bust in suburban Birmingham, Alabama.

The land, which was found to have a large marijuana crop growing on it, is also home to a popular meeting spot for young lovers.

In addition, one of the trees scheduled to be removed has long been a pilgrimage destination for Elvis Presley fans because of the inscriptions carved into its bark by a young King on one of his early tours of the south.

The tree in questions bears pen-knife-carved markings that have been authenticated by Elvis experts. The two inscriptions read: "Elvis + DeeDee" (an Alabama waitress who Elvis met there in 1956) and "E.P. (heart shape) B.L.T." The latter is thought to refer to the King’s well-known fondness for sandwiches.

"If the tree has to come down, we’re hoping to at least save the trunk", said Trish Dunbar, president of the Birmingham chapter of the Elvis Fan Club, "We’re hoping that it could become a permanent display at Graceland."

City officials are willing to compromise, but because the tree in question was infected by the notorious Emerald Ash Borer, recent environmental laws forbid it’s transport across state lines.

"Right now, we’re just looking for a barn to store it in", said Westchester County arborist Wiley Stubbs.

A.) Jesus, Elvis must have plugged every waitress from Florida to California.
B.) A B.L.T. sounds good right about now.
C.) Yeah, Elvis-style with a pound of bacon and extra mayo. Mmmmm.


The doll should be called the Harry Teri doll and should come with the perfume so you can stick your fingers in it and "smell like Teri"!
(Insert drum and cymbal)
Sorry, I got crack smoke in my eye, I meant Hairy Teri....
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