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April 03, 2006

Bitter Monkey Hates Snakes on a Plane
Hard Times for King of Pop's Ex-Lover...

Bubbles the Chimp, best known as Michael Jackson's lover a few years back could care less about upcoming adventure film Snakes on a a Plane.

"It's asinine. Snakes on a Plane? To hell with all snakes--they are scum," Bubbles said as he lit a fresh cigarette.

"I had a part in that flick until a certain someone put the kibosh on that."

Bubbles says that someone is Michael Jackson, the troubled pop singer who ended up trading monkey love for that of young boys.

"He made me drink Jesus Juice all the time...every day for two years...and then he'd make love to me," the chimpanzee said shaking his head. "My ass still hurts."

What happened between Michael & Bubbles?

"One day I drank too much JJ, ate some bananas, and accidentally left a peel on the floor," Bubbles explains.

"Michael slipped and fell on his nose. He locked me in a cage then cried all night. The next day security led me outside Neverland to a waiting cab, gave me fifty bucks and three bananas. Adios, amigo...that was that."

Bubbles now lives in the back room of a pet store where he calls himself Tweak.

But he believes his real name is mud.

Because of someone...

"Before I lost my Snakes on a Plane part, I was supposed to do some commercial work for Disney...they called me the day before the shoot and cancelled."

Tweak is scheduled to co-star as a reefer smoking gay monkey in Bong Kong, a spoof of Brokeback Mountain but then again, he's not sure of anything.

"We'll see what happens," he says. "It's not easy being a monkey and Michael Jackson's ex-lover."

Whew, guess so. Good luck, Tweak.

A.) I heard Michael caught Bubbles screwing Puffy the Sheep.
B.) Can't wait to see Tweak in Bong Kong.
C.) You know, it really is a jungle out there.


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