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April 18, 2006


Billionaire Pays King’s Ransom For King’s Image
Corporate Greed To Put Kibosh

On Elvis Imitators?
Payless Announces Sale on Blue Suede Shoes...

Shhhh. Listen...Hear that? It’s the sound of a gazillion Elvis impersonators crying.

It turns out that they soon may be unable to ply their craft if billionaire media mogul Robert Sillerman has his way.

Sillerman, who also owns American Idol, paid $114 million to the Presley family last year for a majority stake in Elvis Presley Enterprises.

While his share of the pie does not include the rights to Elvis’ music, it does include ownership of Graceland as well as the U.S. rights to the King’s name and image, which he intends to use exclusively in a multi-media Elvis extravaganza on the Las Vegas Strip.

He also expects the attraction to lure millions of zombie-like fans annually while making him the "most filthy" of the filthy rich.

Sorry folks, but legal experts say that means "unauthorized" Elvis impersonators may have to cease and desist.

Even though Sillerman hasn’t come right out and said it, his comments in a recent interview for the NY Times implied as much, and an army of the King’s clones are holding their collective breaths while waiting for the other wingtip to drop.

Sillerman has already purchased the Las Vegas attraction Elvis-A-Rama, which he plans to close later this year in order to make way for his new Vegas venture, and Phase Two of his Elvis Takeover includes the demolition of Heartbreak Hotel, the128-room facility near Graceland that currently serves visitors to the King’s mansion.

In its place, Sillerman’s company CKX is planning to erect a self-contained Elvis City, which will include not one, but two 400-room luxury hotels, convention centers, restaurants, shops and theaters.

In addition, an old-fashioned bordello, tentatively named Hunk O’ Burnin’ Love, will be located through a super-secret entrance in the city’s Red Light District.

The next sound you hear may well be the lonely buzz of clippers shearing thousands of mangy sideburns as the Elvis wannabes, some of whom earn annual incomes in the six-figure range, clean up their acts and look for real jobs. (Marty Sherman)

A.) Uh-oh. Looks like no more Elvis bar mitzvahs.
B.) Does that mean I have to shave off MY mutton-chops?
C.) I bet that bastard Simon Cowell had something to do with this.


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