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April 28, 2006


Bad News: The Boot from American Idol...Good News:
Kellie Signs Three Movie Porn Contract!

She may not have been much of singer but as an adult film star Kellie Pickler will make millions of dollars.

Pornographers Vivid Video have partnered with Disney Pictures to sign the American Idol honeybunch to a three-flick deal that takes effect as soon as Kellie turns 18.

The off-key cutie is 16 years, three months, two weeks, and two days old today.

“We believe Kellie to be the quintessential southern girl-next-door – a contemporary Elly May Clampett, if you will,” said Disney executive Trent Berhardt referencing popular 60s show, the Beverly Hillbillies.

"Unfortunately, you won't see her at the 'semen' pond - no penis allowed - it's a 'girls only' series," he quipped.

“Yeah, and I can’t wait to see her pooch…um, after she turns 18, of course,” added Fakkar Hardir, manager of Vivid's Idol Loser/Vivid Winner division.

Hardir is the man behind the company’s successful Clay Aiken – Ass Achin’ XXX thrustfest and the soon-to-be-released Paula Abdul & Toys solo DVD.

Kellie’s daddy, Jimmie “Puffy” Pickler, brokered the deal from his cell at the Pellerton County Correctional Facility in Persnikitty, Tennessee, where he is serving a 36-month sentence for abducting, raping, and murdering a large herd of sheep.

Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but Mr. Pickler did say he was “hongry to see sum girl-on-girl action, yee hah!”

When reminded he’d be watching his nude daughter having sex with other females, the convict's easy laughter turned to a steely gaze.

“Yep, that’s right,” he said. “Ah love Kellie - she shore is a purty one.”......(LYZAKO)

A.) Win or lose - American Idol opens doors.
B.) Sounds like a great dill for Pickler.
C.) Puffy Pickler is into sheepmales.
A.) Well, that's that. Hooray for the weekend.
C.) Taking your son to the NAMBLA meeting this week, B?
B.) Hell, no. Last week it was a bunch of adult dudes drooling over young boys.
A.) What did you think it was supposed to be?
B.) I thought it was for smart geniuse-types.
C.) That's MENSA, stupid.
B.) I know that now - fuck.
A.) Uh oh, here comes the boss.
E.) Hello letters, big weekend on tap?
A.) I'm gonna watch the game and drink beer.
C.) I'm hitting the clubs for a little punctuation, sir.
E.) Ha, ha, ha - what about you, B? NAMBLA this week?
B.) The ex-wife has b this weekend...
E.) b is a fine young boy...join me, if you like and...
B.) Oh...I...uh, promised a letterfriend I'd meet him at the crack house.
E.) Hmm, I see...some other time perhaps...
B.) Yes, well, I've got to go - C needs help with a typewriter ribbon.
E.) You young letters and your Underwoods, ha, ha, ha.
C.) Nothing like punching the classic keys, sir.
A.) I'd better get to the beer store.
B.) Yeah, come on, C - let's get to that Underwood.
E.) Very good. Let's all have a pleasant weekend.



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