Yanni: New Age Tough Guy! New age singer/songwriter Yanni has been arrested for beating up his chick. Yanni asked his young girlfriend Silvia to leave his pad because blah blah blah. After an exchange of more blah blah, Silvia headed for the closet. While she packed, Yanni—the blah blah blah of his generation--allegedly grabbed her, shook her, threw her on the bed, and then jumped on her.
We’re not sure if he jumped up and down on her like a little kid, or if he “jumped” her against her will or blah blah blah. Our sources reveal he “jumped on her”—that’s all we know.
Our problem is we don't care.
A.) Hey, me neither. B.) Ha, I could care less also, ha. C.) Can’t read the blog right now, I’m beating my girlfriend’s ass.
The Television's on Fire! Of course, we don’t watch The Apprentice but we hear Donald Trump fired Stacy and Pepi last night after they failed their task. Some text message nonsense or other to do with Gillette’s new five-blade Fusion razor.
We like a close shave and we’ve had more than our share. Anyone out there have any experience with this new razor? I’m currently a Good News user, thanks.
A.) Can’t help you, I’m waiting for a six blade razor B.) Grow a beard, fag. C.) Yanni shaves his legs with a Fusion, ask him.
In Defense of Jon Stewart: A Lady Bomb Editorial! Okay, you can take him down from the cross. Dress the wounds, pack a lunch, and point his ass toward his people at Comedy Central.
We feel bad for Jon Stewart; everyone seems to think the guy blew as host of the Academy Awards. What did his critics expect? Guy’s hosting a show, what the fuck?
You introduce movie stars, you tell a few jokes, you simulate anal sex with Norm Macdonald, that’s it—there’s your hosting job.
What—he should juggle?
Get a grip, get a grip, get a grip—show’s over, folks--break it up. I ain't heard this much crying since Yanni nicked himself shaving.
Oy, I miss the great Billy Crystal. Oy, he’s so special. Oy, he was on Soap. Oy, he’s so funny. Oy, he should always host the Oscars. Oy.
No one gives a flying fuck.
How do you like them fucking apples?
A.) Whoa, I’ve never seen you angrier. B.) An apple a day keeps the doctor away. C.) Norm in red polka dot boxer shorts, ha, ha, ha.