Sit down, relax. Here, have glass of champagne and have some of this. You like it, no? And ha ha, look at these…you like them? I can see you like Russian girls, no? Yes, ha ha. Or you have roll of Lifesavers in pocket, ha ha.
Irina will be with you shortly. Would you like newspaper or dirty magazine while you are waiting? No? Let me turn on television. Here’s remote control to watch action in other rooms. Oh look, there is mayor.
Doggie style, ha ha. Look at that, ha ha.
Oh, phone is ringing—Irina will be with you in moment. Make yourself comfortable.
It’s a Fucking Test 1, 2, 3, Check…Is This On? Not sure exactly how we’re going to do this yet—we’ll be futzing the next few weeks—but we’re getting the hang of it. Stick with us, it’s going to be fun.
We will be posting days and nights, Monday through Friday. Musty, Tokugawa, and I have been hurling tons of concepts at the wall. Some stick, some don’t. Such is life. Remember: The more loaded you get, the funnier we are.
A.) You should keep the multiple choice shtick. B.) Yes and maybe expand on it—it’s kooky. C.) Go ahead, don’t think about it, do it. D.) He’s doing it, I can’t believe it. E.) Whoa, it’s kind of fun. F.) Wheeeeee! G.) I like it. H.) It gets old fast, though. I.) Letter H is right, that’s probably enough. J.) Yes, I’m bored. K.) Uh huh—me too. L.) Where the fuck is Irina?
The Truth, Man—Like It or Not! Since his wig was too tight, washed up pop singer George Michael nodded out in his car, slumped over his steering wheel. Bobbies—the English fuzz named after Sir Robert Peel—were called and roused the washed up pop singer from his buzz. They found dope galore in the car. More drugs than tea in China. The washed up pop singer must have been quite loaded--his steering wheel was on the right side of the vehicle.
A.) George Michael? He used to sing with Wham! B.) George Michael? Oh, yeah, the washed up pop singer. C.) George Michael? I knew a guy that blew him.
More Hollywood Vagina On The Way! Great news! What? No, the war in Iraq isn’t over…Paris Hilton and Nicole Simpson are shooting a new season of The Simple Life. Gentlemen, drop your trousers.
A.) What the hell is that supposed to mean? B.) Glad to hear Nicole came back to life. C.) Sure hope OJ makes a special guest appearance on the show.