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March 15, 2006


SXSW starts today:
Hot Sex and Cool Riffs in Texas!

The 20th annual South by Southwest (SXSW) music festival starts today in Austin, Texas. As we speak, an estimated 20,000 registrants are having a few, and getting ready to stagger here and there to check out 1,400 music acts including the New Pornographers, Beth Orton, Secret Machines, Echo & the Bunnymen, the Go! Team, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

Tons and tons of modern troubadours looking for a break.

Also appearing will be veterans Ray Davies, Morrissey, and the Pretenders. The legendary and classy Neil Young is the festival’s keynote speaker.

Most exciting for musicians in Austin this weekend is the new wave of up-and-coming rock groupies out in droves looking for the next big thing. Young girls drinking drinks and sniffing blow--ready for anything--including oral sex and hand jobs for the lesser-known bands to vaginal penetration, butt action, and group lesbian sex toy shows for musicians on the verge of making it.

The girls know that old adage: Today a groupie, tomorrow a rock star wife.

A.) Break a leg.
B.) Have fun and be careful.
C.) Hey, ho, let's go.


This writer is clueless about Star Wars...
Star Wars Coming to TV! It’s Great News! Wow!

There is a God—I knew it. Star Wars creator George Lucas has agreed to write 100 episodes of his sci-fi classic for TV. The series will spotlight the years between Revenge of the Sith and 1977’s original Star Wars flick.

A.) Hey, how about that Luke Skywalker?
B.) Yes, he sure is something.
C.) Now he will be on television, hooray.


Costner & Kutcher. No...please!

Right now in Elizabeth City, North Carolina, Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher are shooting a film called The Guardian, a little sketchy something about the U.S. Coast Guard with Costner as a swaggering swim teacher and Kutcher as a cocky swim champ.

There probably isn’t a God, I don’t know.

A.) Apologies to the U.S. Coast Guard.
B.) Thank god, Star Wars is coming to TV.
C.) The Guardian DVD in dollar stores this Christmas.


We don’t get it...
Leno Not Funny, Chin Too Big?

TV viewer Wendy Brogin was recently offended by a joke comedian Jay Leno recently made about Vice President Dick Cheney on the Tonight Show.

Jay called the woman and apologized.

A.) See, he’s not funny.
B.) And you’re right, his chin is too big. Maybe.
C.) Things will be better when Star Wars is on TV.


Hot Chick Celebrity Wah Wah!
Beauty, money, fame not enough? Sorry.

Medium spicy dish & Charlie’s Angel, Lucy Liu, tells WENN that "America is in a tabloid coma. We've blacked out as a society. The main reason people put you up on a pedestal is, basically to tear you down.”

A.) No, you’re on a pedestal so guys can look up your dress.
B.) She’s so out of touch—what a bitch. She used to be my favorite—now I hate her.
C.) American Idol & heroin, now that's entertainment.

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I Love Lucy
(Ode to Lucy Liu)

Hey you,
Lucy Liu.

What I wouldn't
do to you

If you would only smile
once in a while.

And shut up.

mmmmm. Tastes like raw fish.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
What the fuck?!!

Where the Hell are my goddamn insightful comments from yesterday? I poured my heart and soul into that shit, Shithead!

You Prick!
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