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March 23, 2006

 


Marty Sherman:
WHY I LOVE THAT JESSICA ALBA
A Movie Review.

I know it’s a little late to be reviewing this as a new DVD release, but technically I did rent this movie when it first came to my local Video Schmideo.

Unfortunately, I forgot all about it and just found it two days ago under a mountain of used napkins and an empty White Castle Crave Case that was smack dab in the middle of the coffee table in my tv room. It was three weeks overdue and cost me $68.77, but it was worth every dime.

The PG-13 rated Into The Blue stars Jessica Alba in her meatiest film role to date, and her first memorable performance since the beautiful brunette babe made her name as the star of FOX television’s Dark Angel. That series, which was co-created and produced by Titanic director James Cameron, ran for a couple of seasons at the turn of the century.

Into The Blue is a just swell story about some good-looking kids getting into all sorts of trouble while scuba diving, drinking and making out somewhere in the Caribbean. Sit back and enjoy the misadventure as a plane crashes into the ocean, sharks eat swimmers and mountains of treasure and cocaine are found in the briny deep. Aaarrrrr!

Jessica and her friends spend about 20% of their on-screen time developing the plot and the rest of the time they’re underwater, where the real action is. The way she does it, swimming, snorkeling and scuba diving become a true art form...a slow-motion ballet where legs, boobs, ass and crotch are the stars.

Nominated for an Emmy in her Dark Angel days, Jessica continues to garner recognition for her acting, having been nominated for a Razzie two years running, both for her role in today’s featured DVD and for her portrayal of the Invisible Girl in the 2005 stinker Fantastic 4.

To sum up: Into The Blue starring Jessica Alba is a better than average B Movie with some fine underwater cinematography and enough nearly nude teenagers to keep anyone, male or female, interested between plot developments.

I wish I would have seen it on the big screen. Recommended.


A) I nominate Jessica for Best Legs, Boobs, Ass AND Crotch! Hah!
B) I don’t understand how anyone could watch such drivelrot.
C) I have a large collection of photos of Jessica that I’ve clipped out of magazines and newspapers and meticulously pasted into scrap books, noting the names and dates of each publication. I also write captions for each photo, along with a random thought of the day, using a red pen on holidays and important occasions like my birthday. A separate album is devoted to magazine covers.




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CoMMents:
We here at the National Organization of Women are horrified at your treatment of one of today's leading actesses, Jessica Labia, er, Elba. If we see any shots from this movie on cameltoe.com, you'll see us in court!
 
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