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March 30, 2006


marty sherman spinning
Stripper Anthem Will Be Song of Summer ‘06
Catchy Hip-Hop Tune Speaks Truth, Spits Rhymes

Face it guys. We’ve all been there.

I’ll bet even now, after just reading that title, you’re imagining the one dancer that you knew better than the other dancers. Maybe her name was Angel, or Mocha, or Misty.

You know, the one who changed your strip club routine to conform to her shift. At whatever bar she was working.

The one that you thought couldn’t possibly be crazy.

You thought she really connected with you, liked you for who you were and not for the money. Maybe she even let you buy her a dinner or two before crushing you. Maybe some shrimp on the barbie and king crab legs at Outback (to the tune of eighty bucks)...oh, and baby loved her some Red Lobster...couldn’t get enough seafood...God, I miss that girl...sweet ass...I loved her laugh...and her ass...cute little Baby Phat logo tattooed on her right cheek kinda blurry...Baby Phat was her favorite brand.

I gotta tell ya, she looked great in those jeans.

Sweet, sweet ass...itty-bitty beautifully-shaped boobs...oh, and did I mention the ass?

Anyway, if you’re like me, I’m N Luv (Wit A Stripper) by T-Pain featuring Mike Jones will bring back sweet memories of drunken erections, spilled drinks and the crazy, mixed-up smell of cigarettes, perfume and pussy.

The newest re-mix of what I pick to be this summer’s biggest hit, will be available in stores on Tuesday and will feature guest performances by R. Kelly, Twista, Kanye West, P-Diddy, G-Unit featuring 50 Cent, Eminem, Jay-Z, Ja Rule, Outkast, Nas, MC Nas-D, Nas Escobar, Nas-T Boyz, The Beastie Boys, Boyz2Men, Men Without Hats, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Ice MC, MC EZ, MC Hammer, MC Lyte, Salt-N-Pepa, LL Cool J, Snoop, Dr. Dre, The D.O.C., Prince, Queen Latifah, DJ King, DJ Ace, Too Short, Uncle Luke, TLC, 702, De La Soul, Digital Underground, A Tribe Called Quest, Public Enemy and ZAPP!

A.) I heard that Biggie and Tupac had some new shit for this, too!
B.) Verily and forsooth...I, too, am in love with a stripper.
C.) I forgot to mention she could drink me under the table. I loved her.


wading in wacky weird waters...
Cause of Death: Marriage

Nutty movie director John Waters (Pink Flamingoes, Hairspray, Shawshank Redemption) is developing a show for Court TV. The comedy, ‘Til Death Do Us Part, will dramatize the ups and downs of a married couple until the downs outweigh the ups and one kills the other.

Waters will appear as the groom reaper (funny name, wearing fast), a surprise guest at a loving couple's wedding, and then take us through the marriage as love fades…

Only to be replaced by drinking, screaming, cheating, murderous thoughts, and then inevitably killing the bitch.

Or the bastard, if the shoe’s on the other foot.

No shooting sked or premiere date yet.

For all I know it could have just been an idea bounced about in a VIP room over top-shelf champagne and toot.

And frankly, dear readers...I don't give a damn.

Just kidding. I care a lot.

Too much probably.

John Waters is my idol.

And I own stock in Court TV.

Oh, who am I trying to kid...I'm a dancing monkey.

Waters stinks, there aren't any stocks.

I don't even have a TV.

I'm a dancing monkey...your dancing monkey.

A.) Guilty as charged! What? I don't know why I said that.
B.) I'd like to give it to Judge Judy good--real good.
C.) That reminds me: I've got to pay the "urinating in public" ticket I got in Sarasota.

tell me everything...

dance, monkey! dance! weirdass motherfucker! i love you!
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