It’s in the air.
You can smell spring…with its mouth-watering scent of frying ham…
Oh, fuck--the ham!
Hang on, I’ll be right back, sorry.
Okay, I’m back.
Anyway, spring is coming. We like spring--it’s our favorite.
You see, dear readers: In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love…
Trump Dumps Wife, Dates Daughter!
While appearing on a TV show hosted by yammering old bats, rich dude Donald Trump admitted that his 24-year-old daughter, Ivanka, has a nice figure. “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her,” he said.
After the broadcast, the mogul went back to his penthouse at Trump Tower and had his pregnant wife, Melania, removed from the premises.
“I gave it serious thought, of course,” Trump said, “and decided, what the hell, you only live once—I’ve never dated my daughter before, let’s see what that’s like.”
While skeptics believe the move is a publicity generating ploy to bolster ratings for his fading TV show The Apprentice, the guy with the mysterious hairstyle denies it.
“No, no, I wouldn’t do that, I’m not a scum ball—a douchebag, sometimes—but not a scum ball,” he said.
“Well, I’ve got to put on some Old Spice, hit the liquor store, and pick up Ivanka,” he said escorting the reporter to the door. “Dinner and cocktails, a movie…we’re going to take it slow—I love Ivanka. She’s my daughter. I’m not a scum ball.”
A.) I can’t figure out his hair either.
B.) Hey, I want to be The Apprentice.
C) Can’t read the blog right now, I’m Googling Yanni.
Small Town Love:
Guy Allegedly Fucks Sheep!
Over there in Maricopa County in Arizona, a sheriff’s office report reveals that deputy fire chief Leroy Donald Johnson will face charges of indecency: The man was discovered in a barn, pants around the ankles, fornicating Puffy, a small gray lamb.
"You caught me--I tried to fuck your sheep," Johnson said to a neighbor who walked into the barn and witnessed the couple in an act of sexual intercourse.
Puffy ran off as Leroy stood up, zipped up, and also split.
Half an hour later, the local law knocked on Johnson’s door where lover boy, w/bloodshot eyes and reeking of alcohol, denied everything.
The 52-year-old firefighter—on paid leave pending a full investigation-- was jailed on suspicion of disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing.
Puffy is in animal therapy at the local pet hospital.
A.) I’ve dated my daughter. Sheep, too. No big deal. Grow up.
B.) Leroy had too much to drink.
C.) Too much to drink? I think he had just the right amount.
Hey, you’re looking good today…email@example.com