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March 23, 2006

 
Good Morning!
South Park Chef Dead at 63…


Matt and Trey killed off Chef last night on the first episode of this season's South Park.

The poor bastard was mauled, stabbed, and burned by a lion and bear after being brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club. In the days prior to his death, Chef even threatened to “make sweet love” to the boys who blamed "that fruity little club for scrambling his brains."

If we didn’t know any better we’d swear they make this stuff up.

Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef, quit an easy payday because of an episode that goofed on Scientology.

Hayes is a Scientologist.


A.) Super Adventure Club backwards is Scientology.
B.) BASEketball--now that's comedy.
C.) Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks? SHAFT!



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marty sherman knows hollywood
he even hangs out with pat sajak

today marty makes candid observations
on one of his favorite hobbies:

actresses


Jennifer Lopez:
“You know, it wasn't that long ago that J-Lo was considered the sexiest woman alive. People... Maxim...Stuff...Smooth...King...Reader's Digest...UsWeekly...she got props from just about everybody. And it's about time she got the dramatic vehicle that she so richly deserves to spotlight her acting chops and impeccable ass.

Did I say impeccable? On second thought her ass is entirely peccable. Lickable. Smoochable.

Rubmyfacealloveritable.

Get used to it and learn to speak Spanish. Caliente! Gracias, puta!”


Sharon Stone:
“Is it just me or is anybody else hoping to see Sharon's asshole?”


Uma Thurman:
“I wouldn't mind a quick peek at Uma's turdcutter, either.”


Scarlett Johansson:
“I guess it doesn't matter because she's so hot that the mere mention of her name has me conjuring up all sorts of filthy things to do to her. I've been in love with her ever since she was in the "Horse Whisperer" as the one-legged girl.”


Charlize Theron & Scarlett Johansson:
“I'd like to see Charlize and Scarlet get down. Wouldn't that be some high concept porn? Some nice and gentle mouth to mouth, slowly Scarlet drags her tongue downward, lingering at Charlize's ohsosoft tummy, paying special attention to her sexy bellybutton (tastefully pierced for the occasion), before parting her long, luscious legs and causing Charlize to moan softly with pleasure as Scarlet ticklelicks her goodies while stroking her precious breasts with her hands and tweaking her generous nipples ever so gently between thumb and forefinger...uh oh, gotta go...”



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