Get Out The Shovels and Lime:
Capone, Siegel, Lansky…Costanza?
Next summer, HBO wildly throws the dice and releases the new as-yet-untitled Sopranos movie with ex-Seinfeld star Jason Alexander as Tony Soprano. The actors that played Puddy and Newman—we don’t know their real names, sorry--will costar as Belch Malone and Tino “Stab the Fucker” Kozlowski.
Are audiences ready to see a funny mob boss instead of the hard-nosed prick kind? Alexander smiles and nods yes.
“Listen--gangster shtick is played out…with the seriousness, the shooting, the killing…viewers are tired of that stuff… America wants to laugh,” he said.
“Wait till you see the opening scene. Belch and Tino—you know, Puddy and Newman…I don’t know their real names, sorry--kill a guy while I’m eating carry-out chicken. They keep stabbing and stabbing the guy as a chicken bone gets caught in my throat and I start choking. Then a newsboy hops over and the real fun begins.”
Forever etched in America’s psyche as the snarky George Costanza, isn’t the actor worried that audiences may not accept him as Tony Soprano?
Off the record, Alexander explains: “Between you and me, I don’t give a fuck. I have enough money for ten lifetimes.”
Kathy Griffin will play Tony’s stammering wife, Carmela, and making his big screen debut as one-legged newsboy Popgo the Weasel—American Idol’s Ryan Seacrest.
A.) Whoa, it’s going to be hilarious.
B.) Whoa, Kathy Griffin? I'm peeing my pants already.
C.) Whoa, can't read the blog right now, I'm on my way to Japan to see some people I met on the Internet. Goodbye forever.
Spotlight on the Dead!
I Want to Die! I Want to Die!
They sure know how to end it all in Japan.
Last week, nine twenty-somethings—four chicks and four dudes--successfully died together in a group suicide—that wacky new craze that's sweeping the nation.
It can’t be any easier. Find some like-minded friends, get inside a car, seal the windows with duct tape, light a charcoal burner, relax, then inhale slowly and deeply.
You are so there.
Dark? You bet. Cutting edge? You’re soaking in it, man.
Suicide pacts have been gaining popularity on the Internet since the mid-1990s but no one digs checking out DIY-style more than the Japanese. 32,000 cats and kittens said goodbye in 2004
A.) Too hip for me, no thanks.
B.) Oh no, letter C from the Sopranos item above killed itself.
C.) Get a fucking grip and live.
Hey, I Smell Poop:
Wait a Minute--It's a Supergroup!
There's a hip rockin' new show coming soon from VH1—it’s a rockin’ little ditty called Supergroup.
Take five hard rockin’ musicians—Ted Nugent (uh, guitar hero), Sebastian Bach (Axl wannabe), Jason Bonham (John’s son), Evan Seinfeld (we don’t know this guy), and Scott Ian (we shrug again) and then load ‘em into a rockin’ house with rockin’ gear for two rockin’ weeks to jam, hang, chill, and write some bitchin’ new songs.
Ted Nugent and Sebastian Bach together—how rockin’ is that?
It's not only rockin’--it’s bitchin’!
The band calls itself Damnocracy and we can’t wait to check 'em out.
They’ve already taped one live gig which included covers of Led Zep’s Whole Lotta Love, and the MC Madman’s Cat Scratch Fever.
A.) Wow, they’re the Blind Faith of their generation.
B.) Who wants to pitch in for a charcoal burner?
C.) Damnocracy? I'll kick in five bucks.
Yes, She Will Be Nude…
Sharon Stone Turns 48 Today!
Sharon Stone has confirmed that she will be naked in Basic Instinct 2, but we wonder if she’s going to be naked naked like she was in the first Basic Instinct.
Last time naked meant we saw her vagina.
We’re curious. It’s been 14 years since we last saw that vagina. Can we expect any surprises of any kind?
Some dudes like to know these things. Not me, of course--I could care less, but some guys at the whorehouse were asking if I knew.
Happy birthday, Sharon Stone—you still got it, doll.
A.) Some kind of woman.
B.) Some kind of actress.
C.) Some kind of vagina.
Have some kind of great weekend...